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I've been doing family history, for nearly 30 years,
Diligently tracing, my illustrious forebears,
From Pigeon Lake to Peterborough, Penrith to Penzance,
My merry band of ancestors, has led me quite a dance.
There are Cooks from Kent and Guards from Gwent and chimney sweeps from Chester.
There's even one daft fisherman, lived all his life in Leicester,
There's no-one rich or famous, no not even well-to-do,
Though a second cousin, twice removed, once played in goal for Crewe.
I've haunted record offices, from Gillingham to Jarrow;
The little grey cells of my mind, would humble Hercule Poirot.
I've deciphered bad handwriting, that would shame a three year old,
and brought the black sheep of the family, back into the fold.
My bride of just three minuets, I left standing in the church,
as I nipped into the graveyard, for a spot of quick research.
Eventually, I found an uncle, sixty years deceased.
That was far more satisfying, than a silly wedding feast,
Three weeks of wedded bliss, my wife became despondent
She named the public records office, as the co-respondent.
I didn't even notice, when she packed her bags and went
I was looking for a great granddad's will, who'd died in Stoke on Trent
But now my 30 year obsession's, lying in the bin
Last Tuesday week, I heard some news, that made me pack it in.
'Twas then my darling mother, who is not long for this earth,
Casually informed me they'd adopted me at birth!


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